Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
