I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
