im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
