Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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