I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Randomize
