Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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