I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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