By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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