I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
