census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
