Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
