My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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