so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
