Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
