Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
It was like giving head to a cactus.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
