We won't sleep together?
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
