Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Randomize
