Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
