I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
