Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
