just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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