I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Randomize
