people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
