Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
