Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
