Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
