I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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