Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
