I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
