When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
