I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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