my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
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