I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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