i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Randomize
