I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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