she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
