actually, I'm a sock model
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Randomize
