we're chasing vodka with high fives
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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