I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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