i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
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