i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
