Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Randomize
