long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
it's great music for shaving your balls
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
