i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I should be sponsored by Trojan
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
