he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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