I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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