you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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