i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
