I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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