There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
