He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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