Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
