I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
He shit in the fireplace
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
