babies were throwing up all over the place
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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